Wednesday, November 24, 2010

On another site, I mentioned that yesterday I had a little energy, so I got a few things done.  A friend then posted back that she would like some of my energy.

I had to laugh.  I have CFS and FM, which means that I spend a minimum of 20 hours a day in bed and have to pace myself for the time I am out of bed.  Energy is not my thing.  So for someone else to ask for some of my energy seems very strange.

Actually,I have three major problems:   Exhaustion, Pain & Depression.  Of the three, by far the worst for me is Depression.  Now, you might think it would be Pain, but Pain you can get used to.  You don't always have to be in a bad mood just because you have Pain.  You can be cheerful while in Pain -- at least part of the time.  Frankly, it takes less energy to be cheerful than it does to be in a bad mood.  And being in a bad space doesn't give you any relief from the pain -- you still feel rotten.    

I don't mean to make light of pain.   It wears you down.  It takes a lot out of you.   Nobody, but nobody who has chronic pain can keep cheerful all the time.   Just, it helps to try once in a while.

But as I said, it is Depression that is the real bug-a-boo for me.  Fortunately, I have a great doctor who found a medicine that helps with Depression.  (unfortunately, not all of us can react well to the same meds, so you have to try a bunch of different meds until you find one that works for you)   I was lucky.

But medicine alone will not eradicate Depression, no matter how good it is.  We get into habits, (or at least I do,) and it is so easy to fall into old ruts!  And besides, I am very good at being depressed.  It's one of the things I do best.  Depression and I are old friends.  Why, at one point I was thinking of asking Depression to start paying rent.  (Sadly, he declined.)

When I am good at something, I am loathe to give it up.  Whining, for instance, I am very good at whining.  Procrastination, too.  I am excellent at that.  I have practiced those skills until I am a master at them.  And Depression is right up there as one of my greatest strengths.

So to give up Depression takes a lot of guts.  It is not easy.  I doubt that I will ever be completely free.  But Depression is not nearly as much fun as it is cracked up to be.  And it's boring, Soooo boring!  Which means there is some incentive to make new friends, like Gratutude, or Laugher.

I do have a secret weapon against Depression:   You see, I live with dogs and cats.   They can be a sure-fire cure.

But, it is not quite as cut an dried as you might think.  Yes, dogs are affectionate, yes, cats are warm and cuddly.  But they can also be a pain.  You don't believe me?  You try sleeping in a double bed with five cats and three dogs!  It is not easy!  You get pinned down under the covers and you can't move.  For the entire night.  You can't move.  Or try having lunch.  As you are calmly picking up your peanut butter and butter sandwich, all of a sudden,  (guilt!)  you feel as if there are eyes, watching you.  And there are!  Dogs sitting in a semi-circle on the floor, looking oh-so-hopeful.  Cats trying to sneak up on the table to steal away the sandwich.  They are ruthless -- totally without ruth!  Or if you have a nice candy bar that you have been saving up, you get it out and start to open it, but the phone rings and you get up to answer it.  By the time you remember, it is too late -- the candy bar has disappeared under the couch.  Then the couch growls at you.

But then, later, as the darkness blankets the earth, the dogs come and cuddle with you in bed, the cats walk on your keyboard before flopping down on it.   Then they look at you and start purring.  

Life is Good.


  1. And what is it about those dog eyes just staring at you like they've not had a meal in 3 days? Our one dog is VERY good at it and even lays his head on the table next to my husband like he's just too weary and starved to even hold his head up LOLOLOL I hope you have a very blessed and un-depressed Thanksgiving.

  2. "When I am good at something, I am loathe to give it up. Whining, for instance, I am very good at whining. Procrastination, too. I am excellent at that. I have practiced those skills until I am a master at them."

    I resemble that remark! Thanks for writing this... it made me laugh out loud.