Paper Mandala 5" by 5"
Just when I thought I had it all together, it all fell apart again. I'm sure many of you can relate to that statement. Right now I certainly can. My world has crashed and burned. All my carefully laid plans are wisps of smoke.
Great philosophers tell us that you judge a person, not by how they act when things are going well, but by their actions when things are going wrong. This is how you can tell if a person is enlightened. It is also a time to grow and become stronger.
Oh, goody. Now I have the opportunity to get stronger and to be more enlightened <--heavy on the sarcasm here.
When I am hurting, my first instinct is to curl up in a ball and whimper in a corner somewhere. It doesn't do any good. It has never solved the problem, but it's what I want to do.
After a soothing bout of self-pity, my next move is often to feel anger. Resentments flare. The anger is never rational, and frankly, it is often directed at God -- which does not do a lot of good.
Then, I pout.
Then I become terribly afraid, because I cannot see a way out.
Then I calm down and try to see what can be done in the situation.
I wish I could claim the wisdom to be able to go through these stages and stay in the 'solution' stage, but alas, I bounce back and forth, to and fro among all the different feelings, in no particular order.
I am very inventive. I come up with lots and lots of plans. Very few of them are the slightest bit feasible, but at least I'm trying. I do wish there was someplace I could go and ask "Is this a good choice? What about that idea?" Alas, I know of no crystal ball that will grant my wish.
So I search for wisdom.
Mandalas are supposed to help with prayer, healing and meditation. I gaze at the Mandala at the beginning of this post and no wisdom comes forth. No answers. But after a while I do find it calming. My eyes travel the paths in and out. I don't feel comforted, exactly, but I do feel better. Perhaps it is the colors. Perhaps it is hypnotic in some way. I don't know.
I do know that we all face trials and we all do what we can to cope with them. I am praying for widom. What do you pray for?