Resentments

Sad to say but lately I have been carrying around some resentments.  It's an onerous load and I don't enjoy it.  As the song says "Heavy are the satchels full of anger and false promise.   May we find the strength to put them down."

It does take strength to put down resentments.  I feel so justified in having them.  I didn't deserve what happened.  It wasn't fair.

All this may be true, but it doe me no good to carry anger in my heart.

I stop for a moment  and listen to Spring outside.  The birds are singing to one another and building nests.   The cats ears are twitching, I think they'd like to play with the birds.  The view from my window is a beautiful flowering tree (I don't know what type it is, but it's lovely and pink).  All this wonderment of the world, just waiting for me to notice.

I don't notice the beauty when I am holding anger.  My attention is on the anger.

Also, there is the twelve step program:  it encourages me to stop and see what I have contributed to a situation that invites me to keep anger close.   Now, I really don't want to examine my part.  I want to be the innocent.  I want to be the Good Guy.   I sure don't want to take any responsibility for some of the ugliness.

But if I want to grow, if I don't want to be in the same situation again, I need to see my part.  I can't change if I don't see what needs changing.

Drat!